I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
