Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
