so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
