his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
