Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
