ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
