Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
