Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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