My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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