Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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