Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
