Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
