my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
