Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
