Sponge bath it is.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
