Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
