also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
