did you get engaged???
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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