the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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