Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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