and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Will you blow on my dice?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
