Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
