Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
