I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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