I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
