new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
