I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize