tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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