I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he shaved USA in his pubs
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
