my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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