we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
