he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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