The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i now understand why vodka
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
