so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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