Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
