Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
