Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
