I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
