i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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