I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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