he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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