it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
