Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
