Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
