the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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