i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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