I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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