My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
