I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
