I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
