I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
