I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
