Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wanna passion pit in your ass
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
