i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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