a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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