If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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