they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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