dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
