Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
