I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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