At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
