I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
