Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
